Evening you lot, I’ve been wanting to write a post along these lines for a while now, but was a little unsure of how to do it and get it right.
The blogging/Instagram world is an overwhelmingly positive place. People support each other, follow each other’s lives, celebrate the highs and commiserate the lows, together (for the most part). Yet comparison is often inevitable, and when your feed is full of successful, beautiful people loving life, it can become a strange place when your own circumstances and feelings fail to mirror those staring back at you from your screen.
To put this into context, life since I graduated has not been particularly easy going or straightforward.
For three years I studied. And I studied hard. Long (seemingly endless at times) stretches in the library, with my head buried in books and journals and fingers furiously typing essay after essay. And, thankfully, it paid off, I ended up with a First, and its something I’m very proud of, as I genuinely never thought I’d get a First, like, not even close.
Fast forward 4 months, and I’m living back in my old room at my parent’s house, I’m working early morning shifts at a supermarket, trying to edge my way out of my significant overdraft, whilst also having enough currency to have some semblance of a social life (currently failing, will to try to improve).
I have applied to countless jobs, from jobs I knew were a long shot, to positions I was confident I could do well and thrive in, in different sectors, some I was under qualified for, and some I was significantly over qualified for. But regardless, I didn’t manage to secure 1 single interview, let alone actually getting a job.
In the context of the world we live in today, this is no big deal, and it’s not even a unique situation. Almost all of my friends are in a vaguely similar position, and its something thousands and thousands of graduates understand.
And it’s not all bad, by any means. I still have a close and supportive group of friends. My parents and I get on really well and have taken to living back in close quarters quite smoothly, despite initial fears all parties would regress back in time to 2012 – peak teenage years.
I’m still relentlessly applying to jobs, and am thinking more and more about a Masters Degree. I miss London, and would love to be back living there soon. I miss the business, the sense that around every corner is a new experience, a new friend, a new opportunity. But London isn’t going anywhere, which is a comforting thought.
I’m wary of this post being whiny, overly negative, and something a kin to a privileged millennial’s self-indulgent ramblings, asking the internet to feel sorry for her. It’s not what I intend, though it is certainly a ramble.
What I hope this comes across as is a piece with honesty (an honest, well meaning moan if you will) at its core. We all know that no one’s lives are perfect, or 24/7 Instagram ready. And there’s a growing anti-perfectionist movement that is working to tackle that idea, and make no mistake, I resent no one I follow simply because they’re happy – I don’t resent anyone I follow, I’m inspired by the people I follow and the people that follow me. They are people I look up to, who’s style, individuality, work and dedication I love and want to encourage.
Simply put, When life is hard, and it grinds you down, and it causes self doubt, and in those low times, we often resort to unhealthy behaviours – comparing ourselves to others is a classic.
This piece is being written in the hope that by sharing how not cool my life is currently, how hard it feels to get up in the mornings sometimes, and how demoralising it can be to put work in and not see the benefits, it will comfort anyone reading who feels the same, and who feels alone in it.
I am broke, often unemployed, over qualified, and I live in my parent’s house in a single bed. But it will improve, it always does.
I’m a work in progress.